Honesty

I had a rude awakening this morning. For some background, tonight is opening night for "L'Italiana in Algeri", the Rossini opera I've been a part of since school started. This whole experience has put me on cloud nine. After rehearsals, even long, exhausting ones, I leave elated... just amazed that I get to do this. Everything has been smooth. I love everyone in the cast, the director, the conductor, the opera, the costumes... everything. I've gotten so comfortable with it all that I've taken God for granted. Sure, I thank him daily for this amazing opportunity and contemplate the blessings of voice, friends, and family, but its not enough. I have neglected our relationship. Its so easy for me to forget him in good times. Its not just spending time with him, its the fact that I lost my true value. I am always ready to SAY my value comes from God, but do I REALLY live by that all the time? The answer is no, unfortunately. There are so many times when I am all talk... and I hate it. I have very openly been getting my value from performing without thought of what would happen if my value in that area went away.

Well.. yesterday morning, my singing mortality slapped me in the face. I woke up with a ridiculously swollen throat; I could barely swallow. Today its less swollen, but still very sore and dry. I've done everything medical possible, just short of steroid shots, and its still what it is. As I was babying myself this morning, I realized that I can view this circumstance as a test of my real value. Is my singing what makes me valuable, or the fact that God says I am valuable?Beyond changing people's opinion of my singing tonight, what horrible thing will happen if I don't perform up to where I have been performing? The answer is that my value will continue to be in God, regardless of how tonight goes. Its still hard for me to truly be ok with whatever happens tonight, but I'm working on it.

In the words of Isabella: "Sarà quel che sarà" (What will be, will be)