I just watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate plus 8... it was really sad. They did address the situation with Jon's cheating (although, he denies it... well.. he did once.. very sheepishly... I don't believe him). He is an angry, immature man. Its just really sad. At one point one of the little girls gave him a hug and said "Daddy I don't want you to go away anymore"... it was heartbreaking... he just said "well daddy has to work sometimes"... which is a load of bull because he quit his job to do the show. Anyway... its just sad. It especially makes me mad that the first info that came out about it was all about how Kate drove him to do it and that she is so impossible to live with that he had to get out.... BULL CRAP! As Jon said in this episode "Life is about choices". If there were marriage problems, they should have been dealt with long ago.
I think this episode hit me hard also because I'm surrounded by singers.... who cheat quite a bit. It's like this little orb where people feel that, since they are away from their significant others for extended amounts of time, they can cheat. Or that its simply not a big deal. I can't figure out how flippantly people do this. I realized today that summer programs and the opera world in general is like a big kids summer camp. You remember summer camp romances? (I, of course, never had one... but observed plenty). You have intense weeks or months where all you see are a certain number of people... from there little social circles are made... and from there couples sometimes find each other. They are intense, because they spend pretty much all day, every day together and are created in highly unrealistic circumstances. Its just funny watching the parallels between those flirtatious "relationships" of 14-year-olds and those of 20-something year old singers.
On the other hand, summer programs and opera companies are "work"... thus meeting someone in the workplace. Its just an odd type of work... where you may have to pretend to be in love, related, or hated. Oh, the complications. I don't doubt legit relationships can and do spring up from such situations.... BUT.... unfortunately, the majority of the drama comes from those who can't keep it in their pants for 2 months while they are away from their husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Just another reason to NOT date/marry a singer. Of course, I know its not just in the singer world... it happens everywhere. I just don't understand how someone can convince themselves that its "ok". But I'm seeing and hearing how people rationalize it all around me.
All of this makes me happy that I am leaving the whole choosing a husband thing up to God.
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You know, Amanda and I watched that episode and the two of us came to slightly different conclusions. She, I think, agrees with you that he is, sadly, guilty. She also agrees with you that this cannot be pinned on Kate's being "impossible to live with". I'm not so sure though. I think the situation is an unfortunate one, but in that episode, near the beginning, John offered that it was a poor decision and that nothing happened. However, he cannot blame Kate for thinking what she thinks because she can only come to a conclusion based on the information that she has, and he admits that the information she has is damaging. But he insists that his meeting was innocent.
ReplyDeleteWhether or not it happened, all extra-marrital relationships are indicative of a larger problem. The problem never starts with an affair, it almost always starts with something else and that something else, whatever it may be, grows into the need to be loved or respected which often ends in an affair because the guilty party finds "love" or "respect" from another person.
I think that before fingers can be pointed, there needs to be an understanding of the nature of love, what it means for a man and what it means for a woman, and how each gender displays and feels it. When that is understood, I think a more complete picture can be formed that will show both of them at fault: obviously he would be at fault for actually having committed the affair (if that is what happened), but if he felt respected at home, he might not have had such a strong need give his love to someone else.
Marriage is a two-way street that requires commitment from both parties involved. 99.5% of the time, when an affair happens, the affair is a symptom of a larger problem. As far as singers go, we humans were not designed to spend so much time away from our spouses. Some people handle this much much better than others, but we shouldn't be surprised when these things happen... Sorrowful, yes, regretful, yes, but not surprised. It's an often lonely lifestyle and instead of dealing with the lonliness in healty ways (reading, studying, speaking with loved over the phone, etc) we often witness people fall into destructive behavior because of weak moments or a need for a momentary satisfaction... perhaps a combination of both. Please understand, I'm not advocating anything or trying to make excuses, I'm just trying to present another angle that might shed a different light on the issue. A light that seems to be antithetical to my typical rants... one of empathy.
I'm sorry about writing a book of a post, but I felt like presenting the other side, and, as happens all too often, I haven't figured out when to stop typing.