Daydreaming/contentment

Still a rant/struggle of mine:

I've decided that I want to write a book. (ha) Essentially, there is a particular subject that I am passionate about, feel people need to ponder, and have always thought there should be a book about it, so... here I go. The premise of this book will be about out culture's lack of focus on contentment and especially contentment being single. There are a few Christian dating books for girls about being content being single, waiting on the right guy... blah blah... but guys in our society are encouraged to constantly on the look-out, pursuing, or being in a relationship. They are never encouraged to simply take time to discover who they are, who they want to be, and what they want. They seem to think that this stuff will be figured out once they find the one (or anyone). Girls are the same way, but at least there is some encouragement to embrace the time of singleness and realize what a gift it is.

One of the major factors of our dissatisfaction and constant need for romance is daydreaming. I have had debates with many of my friends about the good and harms of playing ongoing romantic comedies in your head. On the one hand, I think it can be innocent and very apparent that it is a daydream, not to be confused with reality. However, how can one be content with life when you are always planning out a possible (hopefully probable) future. I use to do this all the time. Whenever I had a big event coming up, usually something away from the norm, my mind would play out a little romantic comedy with either fictional characters or real people I knew. Then when I went to the event and it didnt play out like my wildest fantasy (go figure), I was, on some level, disappointed. Even if I met amazing people, saw great things, or had some big success, my lack of perfect romance left me feeling unsatisfied. This took away the appreciation I should have had for the experience. I found I didnt enjoy life. I didnt place very much value on the amazing friends that I had, since I was always looking for somethign romantic, rather than a possibly lifelong friendship. As I look back, this was how much of my life went up through my 1st year of college.

During my first year, i decided to stop daydreaming and I choose to live in reality. God and I worked together to get control of my mind (not an easy thing to do). In doing this, I finally have allowed God to surprise and fully satisfy me. Its funny how the daydreamers are also classified with those who let life "take them for a ride", "go where the wind blows", etc., when I have never felt more surprised, more blessed, and more spontaneous than after I STOPPED daydreaming about what I thought I wanted experiences to entail. I have found that I value my friendships more, get more joy and excitement out of things like music and other experiences, and I have actually taken the time to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I am not looking for a guy to "complete me". I will be a whole, complete person in God, then find someone to compliment me. All the healthiest relationships I have observed have been between two people who aren't needy, but simply compliment each other in their personalities, experiences, desires, and faiths.

This fear we have of being without a romantic interest, also feeds into infidelity. In a dating relationship, When two people are in a relationship and one becomes not just attracted, but interested in someone else, they feel the need to test the waters first. They make sure they could get the other person, before letting their current significant other go. So, If they find out that they couldnt get the new person, then let it slide as simply cheating, and stay with their current love and if they can have the other, they will leave and be with the other one. It seems to me, that if a person in a relationship finds that someone else interests them enough away from their current love, they shouldnt be with the one they are with. Its not a matter of "can I get the new one" it should be "apparently I'm not as in love with my current lover as I thought" and THAT should end the dating relationship, not just the option of someone new. But we are so afraid of being single, that we think its better to be with someone, even the wrong someone, than be with no one. This is such a pity to me! It's so hard to witness unhappy marriages due to simply wanting someone. Why are we so afraid to not have a romantic relationship? I'm not going to say "alone", because one is not "alone" if you have friends. but more on this later....


wow... so, these are my thoughts and premise for my (ha) book. sorry it's so scatterbrained. I'll work on that.. I just needed to type! any thoughts?